The last nine days..and Christmas Eve

I can't believe it's almost been ten days since my last "real" post. Time flies! In the last nine days I got my hair cut and highlighted. Ahhh. What a luxury. I needed the cut to freshen up and the highlights to hide all the gray hair this tornado has put on my head. Eek! Mom watched L during my hair appointment and got N off the bus... (the bus driver said she drives one block north of our house on her usual daily bus route. She looked at the map and saw that our rental is just around the corner from her typical route so she offered to drop N off at our doorstep at the end of each day. Yes!! I gain more than an hour for her favor and, as it turn out, N sits with a boy from our home neighborhood every day. Apparently that boy goes to after care at the church behind our house, so he rides the bus with N. Super cool!) After my hair cut I noticed I had a message from a friend. She said she had heard about a gift donation center set up at the Methodist Church for victims of the tornado. At first I felt bad about considering accepting a toy donation because we really don't fit the typical definition of "in need." We have insurance. D has a good job. Ya, Mother Nature has kicked us out of our house, but we aren't "in need." This is something most of us have struggled with the last few weeks. There are a percentage of the people effected by the storm who are in need, but the vast majority of us effected aren't "in need." We feel guilty accepting donations because we are usually the ones helping others. We are usually giving the donation, not accepting it. We've talked about it a lot with friends and we've all come down to the conclusion that we do need help. We are in the midst of our lives being turned upside down and shaken every which way, so it's okay for us to accept help. I didn't have time nor the mental capacity to go in and out of stores shopping for Christmas presents like I do in a typical year. The music's too loud, the amount of "stuff" is overwhelming, the crowds are to thick and we've got lots of other thoughts swirling around in our heads. When we do get to the store and get to the aisle we need to be in and arrive at the thing we came for, we often stand their like a deer in the headlights when it comes to making a decision on which one to get. There have been several times that I gotten half way through my list and decided to pay for what I had and just leave. As we walk through the store we are reminded of the items we used to have that we miss, the items we used to have that we probably never needed, the items we might want to have six months from now and the items we need in the rental house that won't necessarily fit in our original house once it's done. Ugh!! Are you confused yet, dear reader?

Anyway. I say all that to say that I decided to go to the toy donation center to check it out for the simple reason of shopping made easier. I told myself (and Mom told me) if I get there and I'm not comfortable with the idea of taking anything I just say thank you, but no thank you and I leave. No biggie. I arrive, I check in, I wait for my shopping helpers. I'm committed now. "C, hey, I see you made it!" It's a familiar voice, I turn around and it's my friend who told me about the event. "Yay, you came too!" What a relief. She came for the same reasons I did. I get into the church recreation room and am totally amazed!! The number of toys, games, stuffed animals, bikes, puzzles, books, etc, etc. "You can pick out two games per child and then I will send it to that table to be wrapped." "Wrapped?? You're wrapping too??!!" Oh my gosh! They gave us toys and they wrapped them. The lady was super sweet. She had no idea what I'd been through a few days ago when I went to my big house and wrapped a few presents for family in my broken house surrounded by my broken stuff. She had no idea what it took to set up my table, transport my gifts, collect the scissors, tape, supplies. She had no idea how wonderful it was for her to wrap it for me. Terrific! What a blessing. I will be a blessing to someone else in a similar way next year. When we are done with this situation and our house is fixed and our life is put back together I will be a blessing as often as I can, in both big ways and in little ways.

L had his pre school Christmas program on the 19th. The kids were so cute. They did a really good job of memorizing and reciting about seven or eight little songs and poems.. the kids made an ornament for their parents with their picture inside. I love the kid's homemade decorations. During the day L and I ran errands to stock our pantry/fridge to prepare ourselves for the upcoming sleet and ice. We had a boy scout pack meeting on the night of the 19th. It was nice to get back together with the people involved in Scouts. They played a game called ga-ga ball. That was my first time to see that. Most of the kids liked it, but N did not. He liked watching and cheering, but preferred not to participate. The kids signed their names on giant thank you cards to several area groups and service organizations who have been a tremendous help in the efforts to recover after the tornado. At the end of the meeting the boys and their families gathered around as the scout master and den leaders made a video thanking everyone from around the country for their support. The video turned out really nice. I can email it to you if you'd like to see it.

Before the freezing rain and ice arrived on Friday the 20th I needed to return a crock pot to a friend who made us several meals. She surprised me with more gluten free, dairy free freezer meals and invited me to be a part of her freezer cooking club. Brilliant! I told her it will be a few more months before I can commit, but I'd like to when the time comes.

Just a few of our claims

On the way home from that errand, I got to stop by a friend's rental house and visit with her when I picked up my carhart pants from her. It's so good to take the time to keep in contact with friends. We're all going through this situation together. Talking through it with friends is very beneficial. You don't really truly know what it's like living through something like this until you walk in it day in and day out. And we don't expect anyone who's not going through this to completely understand because you couldn't possibly. But knowing that you're not the only one living this and being able to talk to friends about it is huge. I have several friends who are displaced into rental homes and apartments. As I was saying, I got to visit my friend A on the 20th at her rental. It's so cute. None of us are living in homes that we're used to. None of us know where our stuff  is. Lots of us are still sorting, pitching, finding, donating, claiming...This is a long and tedious process for most of us. Others are done with the sorting and pitching. God how I wish I was!! Ugh....For some reason I get so overwhelmed by the sorting, pitching, claiming process. It's like I'm standing at the base of a mountain every time I start into it. Once I get going and get into a rhythm, I'm fine, but getting started takes a major pep talk..and maybe a large ice tea..okay and some chocolate...After talking to my friends who are still claiming things, I realize they feel the same way. It's time consuming. It's something we've gotta do and we'll get through it, but it's no easy task.

My friend J hasn't moved into her rental house yet. She's been living with friends since the storm hit. She and I were comparing notes on our rentals. She's calling her a cottage. She says that's her cute way of saying small and old...Ha. I was telling her I am taking a basket of dirty dishes at a time to our "big house" to put through the dishwasher whenever I can. (Props to those who do not have a dishwasher. I've done the dishes at our rental by hand several times and it's for the birds quite honestly. It's kind of therapuetic, but we have so much going on right now I'd rather use my time doing other things...So I shlep my dirty dishes across town to clean them in a machine. Technology!!) Anyway. She said she doesn't have a washer or dryer at her "cottage," but she does have a dishwasher. She's going to be hauling her dirty clothes to her big house to do laundry. This friend happens to be my next door neighbor so we laughed and said we need to coordinate our cleaning schedules so we can sip tea and eat bon bons while our machines do the work for us. Ha!

The ice and sleet proved not to be too bad on Friday the 20th. N got home early from school as the kick off to winter break. I remember that day being busy, but I honestly don't remember what we did. We were supposed to drive through the festival of lights display, but for some reasont hat didn't work out. I was bummed that we didn't have time to do that, but we did eat out at our fav Mexican restaurant for dinner. And much to our surprise they had a mariachi band that night. We ended up having a great meal and lively entertainment. We decided to drive by our big house before heading home to check on it (due to the ice and rain) and on our way there we saw Santa riding on top of the city fire truck. He was followed by other fire trucks, an ambulance and police car. It was so fun running into him! I felt like a little kid waving at him.

Mom was supposed to come over on the 21st, but I told her she better not due to the weather forecast. And it turns out it was a good thing she did not. Not because of the weather conditions, but because she found out one of her long time friend's ex husband died. It's a long and kind of odd story, but Mom's friend had been caring for her ailing x-husband for several years and he finally passed. So, she was able to be there for her friend. (May you rest in peace, Jerry. May your body know no more pain and your spirit be lifted to Heaven.)

Fast forward to Christmas Eve and we realize that Christmas indeed is coming! That morning I worked out at the gym...Pause...I've been maintaining my gym routine. I have cut my work out down to about half the amount of time I usually do, but it's all I have time for right now. The first couple of times I went to the gym were completely overwhelming..I forgot my key one day...I forgot my shampoo another.. I found that the faster I tried to walk or run, the faster my mind raced and not in a good way. I decided if I just walked at a steady pace and didn't listen to music my mind didn't race and exercise felt good. I kept that up and in the last few days I'm working my way back up to speed. I'm still working out for good health, but I finally realized that I like going to the gym because it's the one place in my daily routine that has not changed. The people are the same, the machines are the same, nothing has changed and that's comforting. In fact, there are numerous people I have seen at the gym for the last seven years I haven't talked to until now. I'm just not the type to strike up a conversation, but if someone approaches me I will chat. I find that so many of us at the gym are like that. Now that we have this big common denominator (the tornado), we're opening up and talking daily. What I've heard from so many people is that, even though so many of us never talked before, we all thought of one another as we headed back to the gym. "Would Molly the custodian be there? Was her house hit? Would that short muscular girl with the short curly hair be there? Was she effected?" It's interesting to hear everyone's accounts of where they were when the tornado hit and what they're doing now to recover. The seventy year old woman and the thirty year woman are sharing and forming friendships. Now that we've all shared bits and pieces of our stories we've moved onto other topics, but we still talk every day. I say good morning every time I see the woman with the walker getting ready on the same bench at the same time every morning whom I've seen every morning for the last three years. Jan, the fit elderly woman who is my inspiration, is someone I now talk to every time I see her. This tornado did a lot to tear lots of lives and homes a part, but it has brought people together as well.

Okay, back to Christmas Eve...This year I had to be extra stealthy in figuring out how to hide, wrap and transport the gifts. We have several extra empty plastic tubs the Red Cross gave us a few weeks ago, so I used those, suitcases, duffle bags and black garbage bags to transport our gifts. D and I packed up my van, put the kids in and drove home and the boys had no clue what they were traveling with. They didn't even bat an eye. We've been moving boxes, bins and bags back and forth since the tornado hit, so it wasn't anything unusual to them to be sitting in front of so much stuff. When we got home it was time to get dressed and ready to go to Christmas Eve service. In years' past I've fretted over our outfits, our ironing, our hair, our pictures, our meal, our dessert...Plah. Not this year! We were doing great to be dressed, in clean clothes and moving in the right direction at the right time. Service was good, we ate leftovers and canned soup for dinner and you know what?? We still had a terrific evening. We even got some fun family pictures before leaving for church. Jesus was born in a manger, surrounded by animals and Mary and Joseph were not fancy people. If they can celebrate the birth of Jesus in a simple, understated manner than we can too. The sentiment in which we celebrate the season has nothing to do with what clothes we wear and what food we eat. It's what's in our hearts and our minds that's important. Don't get me a wrong, a sparkly dress and a serving of honey glazed ham is great, but you are no less if you don't have those things.

Quote

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer."
                                                      ~Zora Neale Hurston

Connected

We have internet!!! I wanna click my  heels together and shout it from the mountain tops...except there aren't mountains in this area, so I'll shot from the rooftops, "We have internet!!!" You would think I'd be ready to jump on Pinterest  or catch up on celebrity gossip on TMZ or catch up on my favorite blogs, but I don't. I have more pressing things to do like finish up Christmas shopping, submit tax forms and research cost of items we lost in the storm so we can submit our claims report. Boring, I know. But you have no idea how much easier my life will be having internet in our house. I've been shlepping a laptop and our cameras from place to place (library, coffee shop, community center) whenever I get a minute so I can get a few things done here and there. I feel like I'm connected back with society because now I can email whenever I want.. Yay! I'm so thankful. What a relief.

Random Thoughts

We moved into our rental house Saturday. It was a mad dash to get all of our belongings out of the hotel room before check out time. Without the help of family we would not been able to meet that deadline. Thanks for you help!

We got our Christmas tree out of our storage spot at the big house and got it set up at our little house.
I never knew how specail the tree is to me until I thought we weren't going to get to put one up this year. I feel so fortunate to have all the ornaments that we've collected over the years from the boys' births, family vacation, heirloom homemade ornaments, etc. Our tree really is a story of our life and holds our memores in one spot. It was a really nice to treat to take a break from tornado stuff to put it up. D figured out a way to rig up Chrismtas music for us to listen to.

We are running into a few hiccups with the rental house. They haven't transferred some of their services to their new location, so we cannot get our services set up. This mainly effects internet and cable. For some reason the wife has forwarder her mail to her/their new location, but the husband has not forwards his mail. We don't know the former renters, but I'm getting the impression they may have left the house and went two different directions...I say that to say that we won't have cable until Thurday at the earliest and it may be middle to late next week before we get internet...So, I'm typing this from the cozy desk at the library. Each library patron has 120 minutes per day of interent usage...
I think I could gobble up that time very quickly with emails and researching the cost of the items we are claiming, but I'm thankful for the internet usage nonetheless!

N had his winter program last night. It was nice to meet all our grandparents for pizza and the show. It was nice to see so many of our community members, friends and neighbors at the school for the show.

Thank you to everyone who has sent cards, email, texts. We appreciate your continued support and apologize if we haven't email or called with a thank you note yet. Being without internet makes communication a challenge. I've already exceeded my text messaging limit and I'm only about ten days into my billing cycle. So, we are thankful and we want you to know it, but it may take us a while to get back to you. :)

Wednesday: Fog

On Monday the boys and I were on our own while Daddy went back to work for a half day. I've been feeling guilty about not spending time with them due to the fact that I've been working on our "big house" so much. Side note. There was lots of confusion as to which house we were referring to in conversations, so one night we came to an agreement on terminology. We decided to refer to our damage house as our "big house," our rental house as the "small house," and the hotel as the hotel.
Anyway...I'd been feeling guilty about not spending as much time with the boys and I knew Tuesday was going to be our big "back to school" day, so I wanted quality time with my boys. We went swimming at the indoor hotel pool. We ate breakfast, put in a load of laundry on the way to the pool and swam. We had so much fun. I was able to grab some pool toys from our big house, so we played with those. I threw pool rings and the boys retrieved them. We threw pool rockets, played with the battery operated pool penguins, did canon balls and sat in the hot tub for a bit. We had the pool all to ourselves. It was a vacation from our current chaos. We got showered and dressed after swimming and headed to Washington. N's school was open on Monday for people to stop by the office for address changes. Now that we finally have a rental house we could give them that information. If we had lossed our backpacks and lunch boxes we could have selected new ones from the piles that the PTO collected through donation. Both boys' backpacks are fine, so we opted not to do that in case those in need want one. Before the tornado hit (We've shortened that to BT) I had been asking N to bring his gym shoes home so I can wash them. They were getting stiiiinnky! I couldn't remember if he had brought them home, I didn't know if they'd blown away in the storm. So, we went to his locker at school while we were there to see what his gym shoe status was. They were there...still stinky. :)
N's teacher was there so we chatted with her for a bit before leaving. The school looks so nice. We're so lucky to have our school. There are houses 100 yards behind our school that are completely leveled, but yet our primary school only sustained minimal damage. The school administration worked feverishly to have windows replaced, the school yard cleaned up (although the kids can't play at the playground due to small glass), etc. They've been super great to maintain communication, check the structure of the building and roof. We're so lucky. The school looked terrific. A local girl scout troop decorated the school with Christmas decorations, green and red paper chains, set up a Christmas tree and decorated it with hundreds of candy canes. Hundreds of children from schools all lever the country have drawn pictures and written letters to our kids. They are all hanging on the walls in the hallways of the school. Such a beautiful sight. N has been hesitant to to anywhere since the tornado hit. When we stayed at our parents' homes in our hometown the first week after the storm he was comfortable being at their homes, but he didn't want to go to the library, the school gym, etc.
Once we got settled into our hotel room N didn't want to leave the hotel room. We couldn't talk him into going to the Park District for all the activities they were offering there. He didn't want to go to the rainbow play systems play show room, he didn't want to go to our library. Nowhere. He just wanted to stay at the hotel. He finally agreed to go to McDonald's to play and eat lunch and if, after that he was happy, he might go to Target to spend a Birthday gift card on a toy. At the time we didn't have a single toy at our hotel room, so that sparked his interest. He went to Target and McDonald's a couple of times before he was open to going anywhere else. Needless to say I've been anticipating the first day back at school with hesitation. I'm so glad we went on Monday for the open office hours day. I'm so glad we talked to the (wonderful) admins at the front desk, I'm glad we walked the halls, looked at his locker and chatted with his teacher. For some reason that little visit back at his school was a turning point for him. He felt comfortable going back to school. Thank Goodness!!

On Tuesday morning when it was time to get to school I asked him if he wanted me to walk him in or if he wanted me to drive up and let him off at the drop off line he said he was ready to walk in alone. So proud! He walked in with a little hop in his step. ahhhh. That put a big smile on my face to see him walk in so big and brave.


The fog on Tuesday morning actually turned out to be a blessing. It was thick which meant I needed to be careful driving, but it also served as a nice curtain of sorts that covered the boys' view of the debris filled yards/streets on the drive through town en route to school.
Tuesday was also back to school day for L. Monday night he started worrying about going back to school. As we were getting ready for bed he started telling me he didn't want to go and first thing when he opened his eyes on Tuesday morning he repeatedly said he didn't want to go. We talked about his classmates names. We talked about his teachers missing him. We talked about toys he'd get to see again. No dice. Ugh. I was preparing myself for a major melt down. I thought I might have to stay all or at least half the morning with him to get him back in the groove....I said a little prayer asking  God for an extra dose of patients!! I got him out of the car and into the church and as soon as he laid eyes on the three therapy dogs that were there he was fine! He loves dogs and these dogs are trained to be around stressed out kids/adults so knew L would be safe around them. L just loved them. He hung up his coat and backpack, washed his hands and returned to me for a hug. I kneeled down and petted the dogs with him for a few minutes, got another hug from L and he was ready for me to go. No tears!! Yay!! We'll see how Thursday goes ;)

Tuesday Mom and I worked on soft claims at the house. Lay out your insulation covered shirt, take a picture, type it into the spreadsheet. Lay out your glass pelted pillow, take a picture, type it into spreadsheet. Te-di-ous! Tedious! I'm learning that every last step of this disaster is tedious. Oy.

After preschool L, Grammy and I went to the little house for a picnic lunch. We don't have furniture at the little house yet, so we laid out our picnic blanket and ate lunch in the living room. L was super excited to give Grammy the big tour of our little house. The boys are super happy with the little house. D and I were kind of worried because it's older and smaller than our "big house" but the boys love it...so far..Grammy played hide and seek and tag with L before they headed out. I returned to the big house and worked on a few more claims  before it was time to get N from school. Man the time is going fast!!! Wow. Time just vanishes. N and I met Grammy and L at the local McDonald's. They played and I returned to the big house once more. The insurance agent visited the house again and did a very thorough inspection of the house so he can complete his construction estimate. I met Grammy and the boys at the hotel, we had the hummus and salad dinner before Grammy left to see the play Mama Mia with her friend (she said it was fabulous). D was working on the house later, so I fed the boys and got them ready for bed. I was exhausted, but I did it. I folded laundry later that night. I turned on the tv and realized that was only the second time I had watched a television show in the last seventeen days. Was a nice distraction.

On Wednesday I got N to school. L and I met Baba and Grandpa at our big house. They picked him up and watched him all day so I could work on things. When Baba and Grandpa arrived at the house they were glad to see us. At first glance I thought Baba's broken voice and red eyes were a result of allergies or a cold, but after a minute I realized she'd been upset. I should've given her a hug, but I thought she was sniffling from a runny nose. She'd just driven through town and seen the destruction for the first time. Driving through town and seeing the damage is overwhelming, shocking. I had my turn at experiencing the shock at the sight, I've seen the volunteers who made it to our house experience the shock. A former neighbor drove down from WI to visit us and give us a bag of gift cards from her friends/neighors/church (thanks again, M and friends!!!). I saw her initial shock and tears. Everyone experiences that when they visit. Today as I drove the boys to school I saw the progress. Piles of rubble are smaller and some are completely removed. It's  sign of progress, but it's also another step to the realization of just how major this tornado was. A realization of just how lucky we are to be alive!!! When the piles of rubble are gone you can see for blocks and blocks because there aren't houses there to block your view. They've all been wiped away. It just floors me to think of how many years of construction and building were wiped away in a matter of minutes...and it's going to take months and maybe years to rebuild...but we will. We will rise (as I saw on a sign today).

L enjoyed the Farm Show with Baba and Grandpa today. He brought back a bag of peanuts for Daddy and a camo hat for Daddy. L hung out at the hotel with B& G until I picked N up from school. Our neighbors invited us to meet them at Chuck E. Cheez-its (as my kids call it) to play. Quite frankly, after sitting in my car on the drive back to the hotel I realized I was utterly wiped out. Tired. Exhausted...But, if taking my kiddos to CEC to see their friends and play would make them feel happy I would find it in myself to have the energy to go. Dave was going to be a little late because he had a visitation to go to. Ya, one hit after another. One of his tractor buddies from his antique tractor club passed away Thanksgiving night. Very sad and somewhat sudden. So, he went to the visitation and we went to CEC to pass the time. It was good to see our neighbors and their kids. Talking to the other women in the neighborhood is therapeutic. we're all in the same boat as far as the amount of damage to our houses. we're all displaced, living in unfamiliar places. We're all driving back and forth, sorting through our belongings, filing claims...It's good to know I'm not alone.

Home is Where the Heart Is

We have taken 1,416 pictures in the last fifteen days. These are my favorite picture from today.

I started sorting, pitching, photographing and documenting our "soft" claims items today. I got to the spot in my pile of curtains where I had reached my brand new curtains. By brand new I mean I had purchased them and hung them up on the curtain rod, but I hadn't ironed them yet. In fact, the day before the tornado hit Mom and I had a long conversation about the curtains. Were they the right length? If they're too long would it be easier to remove the curtain rod from the wall and reinstall the rod a few inches higher or should I attempt to hem them? And how were we going to adjust the brackets to support the weight of the curtains?? I had finally convinced myself to purchase nice curtains with thermal lining and a matching valance...then they got blown around and soaked with rain water in the storm. After the storm I folded them up, laid them on a shelf and hoped I could clean them or claim them. Today when I got to my new brown curtains in the claim pile I thought, " I JUST bought these. Ugh" As I unfolded them I realized there's no use trying to save them when I saw the water stains in them. And this is the shape of the water stain on one of the panels. It's a perfect heart, but J and I agree that if you think about it you can kind of see an angel with her wings spread open and her head tilted back. Gorgeous. "Home is where the heart is?"  Certainly. "We have angels watching over us?" Absolutely. "Feel the love?" Yep, I sure do.